“You will never amount to anything. I don’t know why you even bother because you will never measure up. You don’t have what it takes, so, quit already!”
Her voice resounded in my ears, swirled around in my brain, and traveled on to find a home in my heart. She was right, after all. I believed every word my best friend said that fateful night ten years ago.
We eventually settled our baseless fight shortly after but somehow, I never got past what she said. And so every time I tried to do something new, those words would go ringing resoundingly in my head. Invariably, I always quit before I even started.
*****
“Amara, you are ugly and fat. No one would ever want to be with you and if they do, they would be so ashamed to be seen with you. And don’t get me started on your chopped edges?!”
I buried my head in my hands and sobbed all night. The next morning, I stood in front of my mirror, and with the tears streaming down my face, I tried on all of my clothes.
He was right. With each gown and blouse and skirt I tried on, I saw ugly, fat me looking back through the mirror. And my clothes made it look so much worse. I had thought my fashion game was A+ before, and that my clothes accentuated my beauty. Now I saw that they only amplified how fat I was.
How could anybody ever want me? I gave out most of those clothes and bought baggy ones instead.
Looking at the mirror became too painful and no hair-do, makeup, or styling session could hide how low I felt as I recalled the words my fiancé tossed at me the night of that huge fight. This feeling did not go away and exists to this day.
These are a couple of scenarios we are all too familiar with. Those negative pronouncements and body-shaming we make on people we love in the heat of the moment. Those words spoken in passing can have permanent repercussions. You have no control over their impact on others.
What we say does matter and can either make or break people, even years after they are said. Don’t get me started on the (sometimes irreparable) damage to their self-esteem.
What if we made a decision today? To make a conscious effort to do better. To be better people with the understanding that words are powerful enough to reshape beliefs and the way the world is viewed. That they can build up, and they can destroy.
Winston Churchill said, “By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.”
Need I say more?
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Love,
Diane
