I made a MAJOR life pivot barely weeks ago; one that I had nearly given up on.
But hey, I guess God had better plans than I did. He made me believe in the outcome of the four-letter-word “HOPE”, a word that had seemingly lost its meaning in my life’s dictionary.
I have had time to reflect on several events in my life that have led up to this very moment.
In some of them, I am deeply filled with regrets because I feel like I could have made smarter choices. Choices that may have since shaped my life in a different direction.
And sometimes, despite my best efforts, I wish I could go back to being that 19-year-old graduate with much twinkle in her eyes; the one who didn’t feel like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.
Maybe then, she would probably have been more intentional about her friendships, career path, educational advancements, and romantic relationships. And yes, she would have been a badass and held herself so much higher.
She would have thought more with her head rather than with her heart. She would have built more memories and lived life to the fullest as though she had 24 hours to live.
Even as I pen this, I know there are so many out there like me; who wish they could go back in time to previous points in their lives. Back to periods where they could rescind decisions that made a lot of sense then – but were proved otherwise by hindsight. Decisions that still haunt them to this day.
But we all know the popular saying, “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.”
I am not 19 anymore, nor will I ever be.
I am older, and for too long, I have lived in the shadows like a scared cat, afraid to start over different aspects of my life. The thought alone paralyzed every fiber of my being and made me tolerate conditions I should not have.
I have come to realize that maybe it is okay to be afraid to start over. But it is not okay to let that fear hold you down. Trust me, change can be good too. I am taking steps on the highway of change, and it was not as scary as I thought when I took the first step.
Life will come with its share of craziness, but I will be ready with more steps to conquer whatever lies ahead.
And I hope you find the strength to toe that path too, because your good news may just be around the corner. News that would offer an expected end to your HOPE – just as mine did!
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Thank you to everyone who has been patient with me on my inconsistent writing journey. It feels good to be back.
Love,
Diane.
