Here’s a quote I recently came across by Elizabeth Scott:
“The world will knock you down plenty. You don’t need to be doing it to yourself.”
It resonates with me because, sometimes, I resort to being hard on myself when things don’t go according to my plans. Or any plans at all. Those times when I keep getting slammed into obstacles that should not have been there in the first place.
I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this.
Self-evaluation is highly important when done objectively. Alas, we tend to do the exact opposite. We often stray in the direction of extreme self-criticism. And this comes with its baggage of negative implications. It kicks off slowly until we get infested down to the roots of our core. Consequently, it becomes a difficult pattern to break.
“Why didn’t I do this?”
“What if I had tried this approach?”
“Oh, no! Why did I not try harder?”
The ‘whys’ and ‘what-ifs’ become unending as we overanalyze our shortcomings, ruminate over minor missteps that could have been avoided, and pass hard judgments on ourselves. See, we don’t need a squad to do this because, at that very moment, we assume the role of jury and executioner for ourselves.
I think it stems from the fact that many of us are prone to setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves. When we fall short, as so often happens with unrealistic expectations, we spiral into self-recrimination.
There is a prevailing belief that high expectations are essential for motivation. After all, “aim for the sun, and if you fail, you just might land on the clouds” is a chant that many of us subscribe to.
Even if it keeps us setting impossible bars for ourselves.
Maybe you can try something else and stop being your harshest critic. Maybe you need to hush those relentless voices in your head that attack your weaknesses in the meanest ways possible. Maybe you need more reminders that you are doing the best you possibly could.
We can reduce our negative thoughts and take a U-Turn when our minds start to put us down. We can list our achievements, no matter how little, to tip the scales towards the positives. Finally, we need to stop the comparison with others and stick to only being the best (and not perfect) version of ourselves.
I’m mindful that what works for A may not work for B. That said, we certainly should be conscious about finding innovative ways to break the existing pattern of being hard on ourselves. I hope you find the one that works for you.
To wrap up, I want you to keep this in mind: be patient with yourself and show the kindness that you freely give to others to yourself. Because you are deserving of it also.
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Love,
Diane.
