A discussion with a friend of mine some months back came to mind as I pondered on this topic. The truth is that we tend to have unrealistic expectations of our partners especially when we are in love. These expectations create a warped belief that they are the only person we need to survive. We sway to the beat of the love drums in our hearts, believing our partners are our everything. Sadly, this is neither romantic nor cute. On the contrary, it is unhealthy and puts a lot of pressure on the relationship.
The reality is that a man is not going to magically come into your life and fulfill your every need. Some Disney movies do not help with their portrayal of a knight in shining armor swooping in to save the damsel in distress or the “he’s my everything” proclamation infused into every sentence. If you think I’m exaggerating this a tad bit, check out the romantic card section in a gift store close to you! Your partner should not be everything to you; there is a need for the right balance. You need to properly manage your time with God, personal (or me) time, time for your partner, and time with others, including friends and family.
Some time ago, I read that a healthy relationship is the coming together of two people who are whole on their own. While I may have paraphrased this a little, the writer could not have said it better. This shows that your partner should bring out the best in a complete you and not be your everything. No other human should complete you.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not anti-love. Finding someone that brings happiness your way and makes an imperfect world feel (a little bit) perfect is amazing. And if you find that person that makes you brave enough to face the world, please go for it. Who doesn’t love a good love story with a happy ending?! However, in finding that person, please do not lose yourself.
Love isn’t everything because if it is, your journey to self-discovery will hit a permanent rock. Have a life outside your relationship. Discover your perks, passion, and purpose and strive to achieve them. And with the right person by your side, you will attain them even faster. Love isn’t everything because if it is, your happiness will be tied solely to the existence of a single person. And that never ends well. Love isn’t a fixer, stop making it into one. Love shouldn’t be the entirety of what you want from life. Finally, you are the only one with the power to make your life what you want it to be.
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Love,
Diane
