There used to be someone I greatly admired while I was an undergraduate some years ago. She was in my opinion, the perfect depiction of an angel on earth. She was kind, empathetic, honest, and amazing. I made it a point to pray for her and her good heart because I knew her kind was truly rare.
Shortly after, she announced her marriage plans. I was so happy for her. But almost immediately, I observed that the glee that comes with finding “the one” did not emanate from her. So I asked questions.
According to her, she was getting married to pay off a debt. She blandly invited me to the wedding and deflected any of my attempts to get more details.
After her wedding that year, she quit her schooling midway through, and I have never heard from her to date.
Now I knew personally from the conversations Mary and I had that she wanted to finish her education. She had plans, and I was excited because I could not wait to see them happen.
Sometimes I wish I had stepped in to do something. Anything. I wish I even knew what to do, to begin with.
Since I couldn’t, I can only pray that she is happy wherever she is.
Sometimes, I think about marriage, and different thoughts come up. I mean, there are a zillion and one books dishing out recipes for a good marriage. Don’t get me started on all the videos on YouTube, some quite daring to give step-by-step procedures to finding and keeping the right partner. It can be a tad confusing and a lot to take in.
As an avid reader, I think it is safe to say the only unifying word that makes more sense to me is synergy. Synergy unifies all the words and relationship videos you can think about.
Synergy says the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It is the “2+2=5 effect” which means that the relationship between two people should not be equal to two, but greater than that. The power of the team becomes far greater than the strength of each player.
The definition of synergy for couples is subjective and based on individual perspectives. Find out the synergy that works best for you. Your definition may be different from someone else. All that matters is that your partnership produces additions and multiplications because synergy doesn’t recognize subtractions and divisions.
This post is not going to suggest any steps to finding “the one” for you or having a happy marriage. I must confess that I do not have these steps. At the end of the day, if you are in a romantic relationship with someone, the two of you must be better together than alone.
I’ll end this with the words of Helen Keller: “Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much”.
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Love,
Diane.
