Haven’t we all been there? That moment we swallow the emphatic “NO” back in, almost choking from the impulse to blurt it out. And so often, we succumb instead to the pressure and say “YES” because the alternative seems too difficult.
I guess this is because saying no has for some reason been ruled synonymous with being selfish or rude. And don’t forget the guilt we have been conditioned to feel and the “judgey” looks that may be directed at you.
Especially for those of us who are considered kind people, there is a tendency that you will put the needs of everyone else before yours.
But what if we came to the understanding that it is okay to say No? Especially if the alternative is going to leave you drained. No, it doesn’t make you a monster. And no, you’re not a bad person.
I used to be a “yes” person because I could not even fathom the thought of returning a negative reply if it would make the other party sad. That was until I realised something: the requests were never-ending, and they always came in varying degrees. There was no way I could handle them all without getting mentally, financially, and physically exhausted.
Whether you say yes or no, understand that you can never control people’s opinions of you. Yup, and I’ll share a personal experience to illustrate this.
So I did a favour for someone, who we will call Mr. P, despite all the tasks I had piled on because the person had never previously asked me for help.
As it turned out, helping Mr. P cost me a job (with considerable pay) because I was too exhausted to deal with that. What did I get in return from Mr. P, you wonder? He still complained about the help I rendered, free of charge, never saying thank you for once. Well, I made the necessary adjustments and still received not an iota of gratitude.
That was the eye-opening moment I realised that caring about the opinions of others wasn’t worth the hassle at all. And I brought on the pressure to myself because I didn’t say no when the situation called for it.
Don’t get it twisted; this post is not to imply that everybody you render help to will pay you in the same manner Mr. P did. If I did not have demanding tasks at hand that could be compromised, there would have been no regrets. But I genuinely had plans, which got messed up because I did not say no.
All I am saying is that sometimes, it is okay to choose yourself first. It is your life, and you need to make choices that will be best for you and your well-being. At the end of the day, no one else but you knows the priorities in your life. Find out yours and politely decline requests that you know don’t really matter and will be detrimental to you.
There’s a quote by Anna Taylor that summarizes this post perfectly. She says, “Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how to use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
To comment on this, kindly input “admin” as the username and password if a prompt requests for this. This shows for first-time comments only.
Love,
Diane
