I loved her more than life itself.
It was the kind of love that defied understanding. I realised with a shock that I could give everything I possessed if asked, for her to win in life. It was pure, in a way that scared me because I knew it was too great to live up to.
But I tried anyway. That was why I worked three jobs, in a bid to ensure that her school fees and upkeep money were intact whenever she needed them.
We were made orphans at a young age. As a result, I was moved up to the “mommy and daddy rank” from a young age. It was a task that I was abruptly shunted into, with no time to prepare, but I learned as we grew up.
More importantly, I armed myself with the understanding that Jane was my responsibility to protect and provide for.
On her graduation, I cried freely, out of gratitude and pride. She teased me mercilessly about it but I didn’t care. See, we had made it, defying all odds. And I was so proud of her newly attained status as an Engineer. Soon after, she got an amazing job with an oil company and got married to the love of her life.
I knew then that the stars had aligned in our favour.
Life was good and exactly the way it was meant to be. And I knew our mother was smiling down at us from heaven. I could picture her face like she was right in front of me.
I tried to draw up a similar image of my father’s face but I came up short. Dad had died when I was too little to recall his face from memory and all I had to go by were pictures and stories from strangers.
Living in different area codes with our different families, Jane and I made a pact to try to spend Christmas with each other every year. Life was busy but I was determined that it was not going to drag us apart.
And so, every Christmas, our families would come together and our children would bond, catching up on all the events that we had missed out on.
This tradition continued until it didn’t, stopping without warning.
Last Christmas, we planned a vacation trip as usual, but then she didn’t show up. All my calls were futile and no explanations were offered.
Naturally, I was heavy with worry and after the holidays, I took a trip to see her.
As it turned out, she had changed her address but did not inform me. Confused and frustrated, I went back home.
Less than a month later, I received a chilling text from her:
“I have thought about it ever since I heard, and I still don’t know why you would do this to me. I need to distance myself from a lot of you. My pastor has warned me to stay away from you because you’re wicked and you have been unsuccessfully planning my downfall and stealing the destiny of my children….”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I slumped into my seat, head spinning. I was dazed, angry, and frustrated. How could she let herself be used in this manner?! How could she make her pastor the God in her life and accept his bile so blindly? How could she have forgotten our journey so far? How could she even think I would do such a thing? I was broken in ways that I couldn’t explain.
But things began to make sense to me – the refusal of the toys I bought her son the previous holiday, how she avoided eating meals in my house, and several other isolated events.
In my mind’s eye, I saw the stars that previously aligned in our favour growing dim.
When you throw your diamonds away and gather stones instead, be ready for the resultant effect. I wait… praying every day that she gets to see the light.
Before it is too late.
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Love,
Diane.
