I stayed away from my website for five weeks. Not even a peep in that time. Not my proudest period. At that point, I did not care about consistency. I had my inner battles and health challenges to deal with and constantly having to take drugs was not helping a bit.
All I knew was that I had no inspiration to give, and so I did not venture to attempt giving any. I did not want to feel like a fluke, you see. The tank that always seemed so full, enough to water my writing was completely dried up. Leaving me drained and empty. Empty enough to make me consider shutting the website down permanently.
Three days ago, I logged on to the site and browsed through the posts I had made in the past. And it seemed like the words I had penned for you, my readers, gave me renewed understanding that blew my mind. Likewise, the comments I read rejuvenated my strength.
I understand now, once again, that some days will be bad. Heck, they will drain you of everything that gives you strength and try to force you into an unending cycle of self-pity and unhappiness.
But some days also will be good.
You will meet people that will constantly check up on you, latch on and pull you out of whatever dark place you have found yourself.
Family that will crack you up till you laugh with reckless abandon. Friends that will share amazing news causing you to beam with joy because you know just how much they had been praying for it.
Strangers will share clips that echo what lies in your heart. You will come across write-ups, videos, and audio messages that reassure you and let you understand that it is perfectly okay not to be okay sometimes.
Because you are human too.
I guess this is more like a diary session for me. I cannot promise to be strictly consistent with my posts as I go along on this journey called life. I mean, no one wakes up and decides to be inconsistent. But sometimes, life hands you a sour lemon, and you may not be in the mood for lemonade.
What I can promise, however, is that I will be as authentic as I can be, and work hard to grow into the best version of me.
So, how about we grow together? Sure enough, we will make mistakes along the path to getting to where we want to be, but we will also learn from them.
Absolute certainty is that life will still go on. It is up to us to dust our behinds from the hard ground when we get knocked down. Getting up is the hard part but little by little, we will find the strength to do so.
And when we eventually do get up, bruised and battered, we will take one painful step after another and celebrate it like we just won the lottery. Because it shows that we are no longer at the point we used to be and that in itself is worth celebrating.
Finally, I have never seen a sea that raged on and on without eventually settling. However, you feel or whatever you face will eventually pass. But until then, you get up every day, refuse to quit, and remind yourself that you’ve got this!
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Love,
Diane.
