Being around children can open your eyes to one or two things because their hearts are absolutely beautiful. One minute they are being punished and bawling their eyes out; the next minute, they are running into the arms of the same person who caused the tears in the first place. More importantly, they are quick to say sorry.
Growing up, I bet most of us learned the “there are five words that I know” song. So how come we fail to apply those words in situations around us as adults, even when we are clearly in the wrong? Well, this post isn’t going to delve into the five words but focus on one – SORRY.
Disagreements and fights with other people are a given because we are not perfect, and are thus prone to stepping on toes sometimes unintentionally. It’s human nature.
Unfortunately though, from time to time, we allow ourselves to give in to pride to avoid apologizing. But maybe it’s not pride. Maybe we simply feel in these situations that the other person should accept it is their fault, whether it is or not, and so leave us blameless.
I believe an apology infused with sincerity has the power to mend broken bridges. However, just saying you’re sorry isn’t good enough. Your sincerity must be reflected in your consequent actions. The people you hurt are more interested in seeing a change in attitude or behaviour than in the simple act of saying sorry.
This is proof of true and sincere remorse. So if you are the type to easily express apologies vocally, but repeatedly commit the same acts over and over again, the efficacy of the apology you make erodes over time.
Also, it can be so easy to fall into defense mode before apologizing when confronted with some behavioural traits or actions you display when relating with others. I do this sometimes, unintentionally. But I am starting to see this as a flaw, especially when the excuses are flimsy and hastily thrown up to avoid facing the fact that I’m in the wrong. Now, I am learning to accept my faults, sincerely say “sorry” and make strong efforts toward positive changes.
I remember the story of a couple who stayed happily married for forty years. When asked how they remained happily married and very much in love, their reply struck something in me (with lots of accompanying “aww” expressions!). They both admitted to killing all forms of pride in their dealings with each other. They had lost count of the number of times they apologized to each other for their actions and inactions.
I’d like to believe that their apologies came packaged with corresponding efforts at changing negative traits for their marriage to last that long.
Can we all decide today to let the “e” go in “ego” and apologize with sincerity? This is a call to action for you and me. An apology does not reduce anything in you, and it doesn’t cost a thing. On the contrary, the effect when backed up in actions is always worth it.
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Love,
Diane.
